https://connectpersonalconsultancy.com/blog daily 0.75 2024-06-01 https://connectpersonalconsultancy.com/blog/how-to-be-more-mindful monthly 0.5 2021-10-29 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/608ab796d5087f40f9cc7828/1635507115658-8SFJOP01UJGYJUZW0IYE/unsplash-image-rq9Tp8YmSsY.jpg Blog - How To Be More Mindful How to Be Mindful Even though it is possible to practice mindfulness anywhere, it doesn’t always come easy. Here’s some helpful tips: To be more aware: If you're angry, ask what you're really angry at. If you're sad, ask what it is you're really sad at. Don't settle for, "I'm angry at [x] because he was rude to me." Why does that rudeness matter? Why now? Why him? What is happening inside of you that makes you angry? Become aware of any emotions you might be experiencing and investigate them. If you get stuck - layers of “why?” can be useful. To be more open: Try not to push away unpleasant thoughts or emotions that arise. Recognise and acknowledge all of them without judgement or evaluation - they are just how you’re feeling. You don’t need to attach to each emotion/thought/feeling; just let it surface and observe it. If you have already “reacted” emotionally (maybe by crying or shouting), don’t judge yourself for that, either. What did you want to achieve with that reaction? How was that response useful to you in that moment? And how would you have wanted to respond instead? https://connectpersonalconsultancy.com/blog/how-to-live-in-line-with-your-values monthly 0.5 2021-10-22 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/608ab796d5087f40f9cc7828/1634902943073-WEG77EZTGUFDYQI13V6C/unsplash-image-Ix78f0AuCBI.jpg Blog - How to live in line with your values Hopefully by now, whichever of those methods you followed, you’ll have a list of your core values. So: Do you recognise yourself in these? How does it feel to read them? What kind of emotional response does each value trigger? Are these values being met today? If so, to what extent? Is the time spent on each of these proportionate to the importance you ascribe them? What actions could you take in order to ensure the values are met more fully? https://connectpersonalconsultancy.com/blog/emotional-abuse-what-is-it-and-what-can-we-do monthly 0.5 2021-10-15 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/608ab796d5087f40f9cc7828/1634277218125-01EZF5YRJPO3RWQQTC70/unsplash-image-hluOJZjLVXc.jpg Blog - Emotional Abuse: What is it and what can we do? - Coercive control was actually made illegal in 2015 (Section 76 of the Serious Crimes Act), but there is still a lack of understanding around this issue. This means that people (either the victim/survivor or their family and friends) sometimes don’t recognise it straight away, or they may only start to understand it once it already feels too dangerous to try to leave. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/608ab796d5087f40f9cc7828/1634276977169-RYF2CLSTBFE9AJDKCPAP/unsplash-image-8SpjPrQDw_Q.jpg Blog - Emotional Abuse: What is it and what can we do? Then, once the relationship is established, there may be some subtle shifts. We might notice some inconsistencies and their love might start to feel conditional. Their love and availability may be given and taken away on their terms. This is usually slow, and it wears our self-esteem down quite gradually. Meanwhile, we remember them and the relationship as being the romantic whirlwind it was at the beginning. That’s the model of the relationship. That’s what we always hope it can go back to - because why shouldn’t it if it was like that once? Maybe it’s just a blip. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/608ab796d5087f40f9cc7828/1634276325151-I3QNO55J7BAZFQGZ8P57/unsplash-image-hluOJZjLVXc.jpg Blog - Emotional Abuse: What is it and what can we do? - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://connectpersonalconsultancy.com/blog/five-ways-to-cultivate-self-awareness monthly 0.5 2021-09-06 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/608ab796d5087f40f9cc7828/1629630298717-0R6YWOYZATDB269191OI/unsplash-image-IuLgi9PWETU.jpg Blog - Five Ways to Cultivate Self-Awareness 4. Ask for feedback Since we are with ourselves all the time, we may miss something when we look at ourselves. That’s where the objectivity of others can be most helpful in self-assessment. If you have the courage, ask a friend or acquaintance their opinion of you, or ask about how you managed some project you worked on together or how you handled yourself in some quirky situation. Try to be resilient and willing to hear what they have to say. When some aspect of self is revealed that could use some additional refinement, be willing to look behind the obvious to its underlying secret or wound. When you find something that needs some re-tweaking, make a mental or written note to yourself to look at it later when you have some time alone for your self-care. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/608ab796d5087f40f9cc7828/1629630152710-DSHWPODQD9LJ435N2CNH/unsplash-image-Jw5wUxEIxgA.jpg Blog - Five Ways to Cultivate Self-Awareness So how do we build self-awareness? 1. Practice mindfulness Mindfulness is similar to self-awareness in that they both relate to consciously directing our thoughts inward in order to become more aware of our inner state of being, to observe our thoughts and beliefs, and to notice what triggers our emotions as they rise and fall. Mindfulness includes focused attention in the moment to whatever one is doing, and involves practices such as meditation or a quieting of the mind. https://connectpersonalconsultancy.com/blog/the-highly-sensitive-person monthly 0.5 2021-05-19 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/608ab796d5087f40f9cc7828/1621398069843-J5KZTZGK8SIOCDUJ9KEI/186884562_286987933073152_920233444379865043_n%281%29.jpg Blog - The Highly Sensitive Person Do you think you might be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)? There are lots of online tests you can take to find out if you might be - but it’s important to note that there are actually no true tests or assessments that mental health professionals use. Some of the qualities and traits of a HSP overlap with other personality types - so my advice would be to try not to get too bogged down with names and labels. Having said this, I know it’s a huge comfort to people who have been feeling this way for years/their whole lives and not known why, to have that breakthrough and feel that giving it a name ‘legitimises’ it somehow. https://connectpersonalconsultancy.com/blog/zoom-fatigue monthly 0.5 2021-05-08 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/608ab796d5087f40f9cc7828/1620452434106-QBW6I5WL34G0WTPC1XZD/unsplash-image-2TIsPdIDr8I.jpg Blog - Zoom Fatigue Over a year ago now (!), we were all suddenly plunged into a world even more virtual than it had been before. From what I’ve seen (and experienced) this started off an interesting novelty; we zoomed everyone. All the time. Video calls seemed like such an easy way to feel less isolated and add a sense of normal social life back into our now very socially distanced lives. We did all of our work meetings via zoom, we had endless zoom quizzes with every different friend group and pockets of family we could send the zoom link to. And then we started to notice that we actually don’t feel great after these calls. And actually, we might need to limit the number of work meetings via zoom we have in a day. And the number of video calls in general. And actually we don’t really want another big friend-group zoom quiz for a very long time, even though we miss our friends desperately. Professor Jeremy Bailenson of Stanford University has been carrying out research into the psychological consequences of spending hours a day on video conferencing software. So, there is now real evidence that these video conferencing platforms really are exhausting and zoom fatigue is real. Luckily, there seems to be a few easy ways to mitigate the exhaustion. https://connectpersonalconsultancy.com/blog/-b-o-u-n-d-a-r-i-e-s- monthly 0.5 2021-05-05 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/608ab796d5087f40f9cc7828/1619858945881-7S0XG3YK531TXKZSMNF8/unsplash-image-ABL6vCKYKNQ.jpg Blog - | B O U N D A R I E S | Having clear boundaries improves self-esteem: this can be because generally boundaries improve our relationships; having healthy, constructive relationships benefit how we feel about ourselves. Also, if we don’t create or maintain our boundaries then it can make us feel bad about ourselves because we’re not living in line with our values or our integrity. Lastly, boundaries improve our self-esteem because holding our boundaries demonstrate to us that we value ourselves and that we’re worth looking after. It helps to conserve our emotional energy - and this is precious! If we use up all of our emotional energy during the day on things we don’t want to do (saying yes to things that drain us, doing favours for people when we don’t really have time), then what will the quality of our interactions be like after work, when we’re at home with our family, close friends, or children? We might find ourselves snappy and irritable, or just exhausted when we’re finally around those that we’d like to spend our energy on. This is another way that boundaries can be so good for our relationships and our own mental and emotional clarity. Boundaries allow us to grow and develop in a safe space. Once we have our boundaries set, and we’re comfortable making these known, then we have surrounded ourselves with people who value and respect us. This safe environment makes it easier to explore and be vulnerable within the limits of our (and other peoples’) boundaries. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/608ab796d5087f40f9cc7828/1619858722228-DX6VCR8NOEBMX6D6YGE6/unsplash-image-eZtLqACNlbM.jpg Blog - | B O U N D A R I E S | The thing is, people often feel uncomfortable to actually say what’s okay and particularly, to point out if something is not okay. But avoiding the discomfort of this confrontation in the short-term has quite negative effects on us in the long term. We end up resenting the person who is unwittingly crossing our boundaries, and we also lose self-respect because we know we’re not being true to ourselves; we’re allowing people to violate our boundaries by not attempting to set or reinforce them. I recently listened to Brené Brown speak about boundaries and how they make us better people. She says “boundaries are finding a way to be generous towards others while continuing to stay in your integrity. It’s staying true to yourself and grounded while also feeling compassion towards others.” After extensive research into this, Brown found that the most compassionate people she came across were the ones who set and reinforced their boundaries i.e. were very clear about what was okay and what was not okay with them. https://connectpersonalconsultancy.com/blog/dissociation-what-why-and-how-to-help monthly 0.5 2021-05-01 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/608ab796d5087f40f9cc7828/1619857644270-O1OF5YLI5MCLMX7NS6UY/20210430_133746.jpg Blog - Dissociation: What, Why And How To Help Ok, so what is dissociation? The symptoms of dissociation might include memory loss, identity confusion (where we might lose sense of who we are), identity alteration (where our identity might change), loss of feeling and losing control of body movements. Generally speaking, there are two main strands of dissociation: depersonalisation and derealisation. Simply put, depersonalisation is where we might feel like we have left our body – maybe like we’re watching ourselves from the outside. Derealisation is when we feel separated from our surroundings, it might feel like the world around us isn’t real, or like we’re dreaming. For many of us, these symptoms are fleeting. Our brains switch us into this mode to cope or to relieve us from a certain level of anxiety or stress, and then we “come back”. https://connectpersonalconsultancy.com/blog/how-routine-can-aid-our-mental-health monthly 0.5 2021-05-01 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/608ab796d5087f40f9cc7828/1619851688026-H5XHIPNAR3VOQ9N93EKC/unsplash-image-l6I8jpzKJQU.jpg Blog - How Routine Can Aid Our Mental Health The predictability and choice that come with creating a daily routine can make us feel settled, when lots of other things are unsettling and unpredictable. Be careful not to berate yourself if you do a few days of sticking to your routine and then find you’re really not up for cooking one day, or you miss your daily walk. This is just to give you some structure and it’s meant to help - if you start to find this more stressful than it is helpful then ease up a little. https://connectpersonalconsultancy.com/blog/padu57780eghkvzet5wque1a4dbhmu monthly 0.5 2021-05-01 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/608ab796d5087f40f9cc7828/1619850423382-CJL67JWIUC5U47XFY93P/20210430_133728.jpg Blog - If Someone You Love Is Having Suicidal Thoughts https://connectpersonalconsultancy.com/blog/preparing-for-your-first-therapy-session monthly 0.5 2021-05-01 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/608ab796d5087f40f9cc7828/1619849952219-5529ESD1BYRE4HWG7T44/20210430_133716.jpg Blog - Preparing For Your First Therapy Session The majority of my clients, when I ask how they’ve been feeling in the run-up to their first session, have told me that they’ve been dreading it. They almost didn’t come, they nearly turned back just before it started, they spent the week before trying to decide whether to cancel. So if you’ve booked yourself a therapy session and have become increasingly filled with dread; you’re very normal. Seeking and booking therapy is a massive hurdle. Whether you’re still thinking about it, or you’re booked in and are awaiting your first session, it’s really important to acknowledge that this is a big step, so give credit where it’s due. https://connectpersonalconsultancy.com/blog/self-care-post-panic-attack monthly 0.5 2021-05-01 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/608ab796d5087f40f9cc7828/1619849774676-AS0VM9JRVVIW0F7N7H6A/20210430_133705.jpg Blog - Self-Care Post-Panic Attack https://connectpersonalconsultancy.com/blog/toxic-positivity monthly 0.5 2021-05-01 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/608ab796d5087f40f9cc7828/1619849487438-OZYIS0ZZEG4Z41SNCEU1/unsplash-image-4Igq6EgEe3E.jpg Blog - Toxic Positivity This dismissal of information in the form of emotions is being perpetuated by social media users everywhere and it’s really important that it stops. I want to know what upsets me, and how I process grief. I like to recognise when I’m anxious and talk it all out until I feel like I’ve unpacked it. Often, I still may not know what to do with that, but at least I know it. It’s out there. It’s valid. I don’t need to figure it all out right now, but I’ve got my eye on it. Importantly, difficult feelings don’t just go away. We can’t paint over them with “the bright side” and think we’ve handled our feelings (or anyone else’s). They will grow, they’ll shift around. If they do leave your conscious mind, they’re only left bubbling away in your unconscious mind and they will find a way out. Once they do, it can be very difficult to distinguish where these difficult feelings/behaviours are coming from… because seemingly they come out of nowhere then, and aren’t related to anything. Following the thread back to where this feeling/behaviour/thought pattern was activated from here can be very difficult because we separated from them when someone told us to “cheer up” (i.e. dismissed our feelings). On top of the dangers of suppressed feelings and the missed opportunities to know ourselves and the world, toxic positivity provides a breeding ground for shame. Brené Brown has taught us that shame feeds off of judgement, secret and silence. All three are present when toxic positivity is. Shame is crippling; damaging to our sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Strong feelings of shame activate the sympathetic nervous system, forcing us into a prolonged state of the flight/fight/freeze reaction. We know that this is damaging not only to our mental health but actually to our immune system as well. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/608ab796d5087f40f9cc7828/1619849353218-HT2QJ8EZJFS8UG5SVYUY/20210430_133653.jpg Blog - Toxic Positivity Getting into a habit of affirmative thoughts and minimising negative self-talk is undoubtedly a healthy thing to do, and will have positive effects on our mind and body. Gaible and Hait (2005) said “positive psychology is the study of the conditions and processes that contribute to the flourishing or optimal functioning of people, groups and institutions”. We spend so much of our lives doing things, ultimately, to make us feel good. [If you think about the things you strive for, then take a minute to keep on asking yourself the question “why/what for?” (this technique is called laddering). You’ll find the answer is something to do with being happy/feeling good/finding meaning. That’s ultimately what we’re all striving for - happiness.] Happiness means something different for all of us. Everyone will have a different path to this same goal and the end results will always look different for each person. If we can shift into more positive thought patterns, really work out what happiness means to us, we’ll be well on the right track. https://connectpersonalconsultancy.com/blog/the-nature-of-well-being monthly 0.5 2021-05-01 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/608ab796d5087f40f9cc7828/1619849160697-E9F5ISDZZOSUQZFZBI81/20210430_133631.jpg Blog - The Nature Of Well-Being Ever since I can remember, being outside/around nature in some way has been soothing (not including some questionable teen years where parks and fields were synonymous only with the consumption of various substances, blurry photos and terrible decisions). Being around/amongst nature is something that has been increasingly medicinal for me - going for a long walk in a park or the woods can reset my mind entirely. Going for a run surrounded by trees and grass and earthly smells (some more pleasant than others) is like a total system reboot for my body and mind. Now, obviously, the idea that being in and around nature is good for us is ancient. People have been actively studying this forever (well, since the 1980s). But living in Abu Dhabi for the last two years has made me realise how much I miss it - stomping about somewhere green isn’t so easily done here. Pretty much as soon as we arrived, I was fascinated by how much I missed the greenery, being around nature or having a few parks so nearby. And I lived in Greater London - hardly a haven of green space or countryside!! So I sunk into it - what is that? Why is it that that is something I really crave and look forward to going home for? And how did I take it for granted for so long?! https://connectpersonalconsultancy.com/blog/isolation-and-loneliness monthly 0.5 2021-05-01 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/608ab796d5087f40f9cc7828/1619848926868-3XWSF1EEW7YXVYKEEF1W/20210430_133617.jpg Blog - Isolation and Loneliness We’re all isolating at the moment, as part of the global effort to slow down the spread of Covid-19, but everyone’s experience of this will be very different. The phrase “we’re all in the same boat,” or “we’re all in this together” just doesn’t ring true. It has become abundantly clear that while we’re weathering the same storm, we’re all experiencing it very differently. Some people have lost their jobs, some people have lost loved ones; we might all be isolating - but isolation feels very different for everyone. It’s important to acknowledge that there’s a difference between isolation and loneliness. The two are tightly associated but they’re not the same. There’s a strong correlation between loneliness and high blood pressure, a decline in cognitive function, poor sleep, and an impaired immune system. Part of the reason why isolation is so devastating to some, is not only because it increases our chances of feeling lonely, but we also suddenly find ourselves stuck with our own thoughts… which can be awful and scary and maddeningly frustrating. Whilst isolation is a physical separation from other people, loneliness is an emotional state that may stem from aloneness, but doesn’t always. https://connectpersonalconsultancy.com/blog/over-thinking-and-pandemic-thought-storms monthly 0.5 2021-05-01 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/608ab796d5087f40f9cc7828/1619848658700-4GBWUS11GMRD0CKMH6W8/20210430_133607.jpg Blog - Over-Thinking And Pandemic Thought-Storms I’m not really enjoying my job at the moment, maybe it’s because of working from home, but what if it’s just because I actually just hate it and have only just realised? I never really wanted to do that anyway I used to want to be an actor, why did I never do that? Maybe I set out on the wrong path and now there’s nothing I can do about it and I like my life now but what if I just fell into things without really choosing like was I really supposed to get married? Maybe I’m just not suited to marriage and I must be really difficult to live with, and actually he’s seemed a bit off this morning, maybe he thinks that too, or is that just really self-indulgent? I wonder if my friends are honest with me about stuff like that or if they’re all just rolling their eyes at me when I’m not looking, I’ve not spoken to a few of them in a while I wonder if they’re relieved, I don’t mean to lose touch but maybe they’re glad about it… https://connectpersonalconsultancy.com/blog/reclaiming-self-care-what-it-looks-like-and-why-it-matters monthly 0.5 2021-05-01 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/608ab796d5087f40f9cc7828/1619848434927-TVSPYCG1PZRIRJEAYP1L/20210430_133557.jpg Blog - Reclaiming ‘Self-Care’: What It Looks Like And Why It Matters Self-care has been thrown around so much in the last few years that many of us are sick of hearing about it. To you, the phrase might invoke images of motivational quotes by Anon and bath bombs. It has become quite the catch phrase of (what some might think of as) nothing more than eye-roll-worthy, millennial self-indulgence. The buzzword version of this essential aspect of our lives is not only irritating, it’s damaging. I do think we might just about have reached the tipping point, where people have become so sick of this cliché that we are now more likely to show, argue for and talk about the real, and vital subject that self-care actually is. It’s time to reclaim self-care. It’s very important that these superficial associations are discarded, and replaced with psycho-education, and an awareness of what self-care as part of a healthy lifestyle and why it really, really matters. https://connectpersonalconsultancy.com/blog/when-anxiety-holds-us-hostage monthly 0.5 2021-05-01 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/608ab796d5087f40f9cc7828/1619847255470-78LK0BSFTVTYNY46UO2C/20210430_133544.jpg Blog - When Anxiety Holds Us Hostage Anxiety comes as part and parcel of many mental illnesses. It can also be diagnosed as an illness of itself. Anxiety symptoms often include feeling or being physically sick, struggling to breathe, trembling, sweating, dizziness, crying, and sometimes a feeling of being physically ‘stuck’ and unable to move. This list is not exhaustive, they are just some of the most common symptoms. Mental illness, and in particular anxiety, can make it very difficult to leave the house. What if we’ve always been someone who’s outgoing, independent, sociable and seen to be an extrovert, always expected to be at every party? People don’t understand why you never come out anymore. And if you are someone who has always been fairly introverted, used to your own company, happy to stay in, people may not realise that your alone-ness has changed - it no longer feels like a choice. Being happy on your own might have transformed into loneliness and a desperation to get out. Our friends’ well-intentioned texts, calls, voice notes, facebook invites and everything else that comes at us through our phones or laptops can feel like constant bombardment; overwhelming and attacking. People who have anxiety can learn to manage their symptoms. This means that some of us can leave the house sometimes, and others can leave the house occasionally but find it exhausting. Some people have such high levels of anxiety that we need to get back inside almost immediately, so that we can get our heart rate under control and feel able to breathe again. https://connectpersonalconsultancy.com/blog/sympathy-vs-empathy monthly 0.5 2021-04-30 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/608ab796d5087f40f9cc7828/1619791060666-KO50TFFNGUWTP737OXV1/20210430_133527+%281%29.jpg Blog - Sympathy Vs. Empathy https://connectpersonalconsultancy.com/blog/6g7gzq2x2x0vaw6b8h1tm9nv481vei monthly 0.5 2021-04-30 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/608ab796d5087f40f9cc7828/1619775769760-5P25UADU6QVQ6XXFINU6/unsplash-image-IaIn3ZlbXs4.jpg Blog - From Primary To Secondary Amid A Pandemic https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/608ab796d5087f40f9cc7828/1619776109756-B32X2EUO0KTMV0LGS4ZK/unsplash-image-hyYJKOZp2Og.jpg Blog - From Primary To Secondary Amid A Pandemic https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/608ab796d5087f40f9cc7828/1619776282443-QTCSF5W3NH9J8VYEPYV2/unsplash-image-4E1JOFK55kc.jpg Blog - From Primary To Secondary Amid A Pandemic https://connectpersonalconsultancy.com/blog/integrating-the-core-conditions-of-person-centred-therapy-and-personal-consultancy monthly 0.5 2021-04-30 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/608ab796d5087f40f9cc7828/1619774806425-3OHQ1S6LQE5GC3YIFQKR/unsplash-image-_UIVmIBB3JU.jpg Blog - Integrating The Core Conditions of 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